In my last post, I outlined a few things that I think make adoption a little more difficult for men. Men and women tend to be wired a little differently, and each have their own unique perspectives on the process. You’ll probably want to read my description of these less-than-favorable male reservations before reading these ways to counterbalance them:
- Clearing out some worry to make room for a little faith. There is great value in diligently analyzing the details and preparing for the journey of adoption, but you gentlemen out there should try mixing in a little faith, too. Many times throughout our journey, we’ve been the beneficiaries of God’s perfect timing. Whether we’re talking about how to come up with the money required to fund an adoption, earth-shattering life events that can throw a wrench in things, or even just being thankful for the additional wisdom extra time allows you to accumulate (I feel like I’ll need that later), things just tend to come together. Worry less; pray more.
- Focusing on connecting. I don’t feel old enough to say stuff like this, but sometimes I do it anyway: The older I get, the more I realize people basically end up doing whatever the heck they want in the long run. I’m not saying we can’t influence them, but, at the end of the day, there is only one person that can make or break their way—themselves. No amount of shared genetic code seems to matter when you’re talking about human connections. The deepest connection I’ve ever shared in life is with my wife, and she’s not just out of my gene pool; she’s out of my league entirely. If you’re a guy and adoption might be in your future, take solace in the fact that we’re all very messed up, and focus your efforts on learning how to connect.
- Combating our patriarchal tendencies. Adoption—especially if you’re pursuing it instead of natural childbirth—forces some self-examination. In my experience, you need to allow yourself time to really analyze and understand the differences. I have no doubt things I once viewed as “sacrifices” resulting from “my lot in life” I will later describe as more perfect than anything I could’ve planned or foreseen. A child needs a family, and you want a child. It doesn’t get more simple and beautiful than that. Don’t overthink it.
Men, take the time to psych yourself up for adoption; just don’t take forever. Ladies, please be patient with us while we get on board. At the end of the day, we’re all just waiting for that last little push to initiate the leap of faith. I hope you find yours.